Pre Surgery Musings

I have been pretty hesitant to talk about Mya’s cleft lip up to now, but for some reason I feel like sharing today.  So while this post is mostly for me, I know that a lot of you are interested in Mya’s upcoming surgery and might find it interesting, but long.

Mya’s surgery is two weeks from today and yes, I am worried about it.  I’ve had a few dreams about it and a few more day dreams about it.  I’m sure that everything will go great.  But it’s kinda scary to let some doctors you don’t even know take your beautiful little babe and put her under the knife!  Having said that, Dunc and I both feel really good about the doctor we chose and he comes highly recommended from a few of his former patients.  If you're interested in seeing some before and after pictures of cleft surgeries he has done, click this link:  http://kidswithcleftsutah.blogspot.com/search/label/Dr.%20Morales.  I'll warn you that some of the pictures are a little bit alarming (including the blog header).

It’s hard to tell what Mya’s lip will look like after because I feel like all of the before and after pictures I can find are of kids with much more severe clefts.  The one thing I don’t want is for Mya to go through this whole surgery and then have her lip look worse than it did in the first place.  While we think Mya is just gorgeous and the most beautiful baby around, we hope that when she gets older she won’t have to be self-conscious about her cleft lip and that it won’t affect the way people interact with her.  I know that her cleft is comparatively minor, and it’s not a huge deal, but I also know that kids and teenagers can be pretty ruthless and I don’t want her to have to deal with teasing or not feeling confident.

When the doctors finally brought Mya over to me in the operating room after she was born the first thing I remember thinking was, “What’s wrong with her lip?”  I still feel horrible that those words came anywhere close to my mind the first time I saw my perfect baby girl.  It was so hard for me to tell my family and friends about her lip, and I felt like I needed to warn everyone that came to visit so they wouldn’t be alarmed when they first saw her.  It was really hard for me.  I knew that Mya was perfect, but I was worried about what everyone else would think of her.  I am so grateful for awesome family and friends who helped me feel like Mya was the most beautiful baby they had ever seen and who were so supportive during that time of insecurity for me.  I remember one day when my sweet sister-in-law told me that she had been showing off pictures of Mya to a girl in her class.  It made me feel so good that she would want to show off my daughter, even with her imperfect lip.

I don’t even notice Mya’s cleft anymore and it’s only when I see pictures from certain angles that I remember she has that little imperfection.  It makes me wonder why I’m having surgery done to change the looks of my baby who is already so cute.  But then I remember those feelings of insecurity and those are feelings I never want Mya to have about herself.  I hope that after her surgery the only thing she’ll have to worry about is a couple small scars.

For the first while (I’m not sure exactly how long) after the surgery Mya will have to wear what is called a “Logan’s bow” taped to her face to keep the surgical site from getting damaged.   Here is a picture of what that looks like:

She’ll also have to wear fabric arm restraints for three to four weeks to make sure that she doesn’t touch her lip after the surgery.  I think that will be hard for Mya because she LOVES to be moving all the time, and she especially loves to suck on her hands.   From what I’ve read, they basically just keep the baby’s arms from bending at all so she won't be able to touch her face, but there are other kinds that keep the arms pinned to a little diaper cover.

We’re told that she won’t be able to use her binky for a month, but she should be able to breastfeed unless it’s too painful for her.  If that doesn’t work, we get to resort to dripping milk down her throat with a syringe like we did the first few days after Mya was born (NOT FUN).

I’ve read a few accounts of moms that have gone through the actual surgery process before and it’s nice to know what’s coming, but also not nice because then you worry about it more beforehand.  I think the hardest parts will be handing her over to the doctors, especially if she’s crying and just wants her mom, and when she wakes up from surgery in pain, confused, and sad.  It’s the worst to have a crying child when there is not a lot you can do to help them.

I really shouldn’t complain when there are so many moms that go through this and more difficult situations.  We are so lucky that Mya only has the cleft lip and not the cleft palate which entails so much more.  Most likely this will be the only surgery she will have to get, but she might have one more when she is 6 or 7 to make some minor adjustments.  We’re definitely shooting for just this one.

In the long run, I know that it’s the right thing to get this surgery and I know that everything will be just fine.  But in the mean time, would you please send up some prayers for our little baby and her parents?  We could definitely use them!